I’ve been feeling overwhelmed recently. Kind of like there’s so much to do and so little time but also like I have so much time that I’m not using to my advantage. I feel like I’m disappointing a lot of people, I feel like I’m disappointing myself because I have so many things I keep saying I need to do or I want to do and I’m not getting up and doing them.
I used to be so passionate about life. About dreams and goals. I had a vision and wishes! Where has that version of me gone? Where is she hiding? Why is she hiding?
I feel like I need to be re-motivated and I can only do that to myself. I am the only one who can change things in my life. It’s not easy though when so many factors around me seem to be against this whole idea. I know I have the power to choose whether to let them affect me or not. I know I have the power to ignore them and rise above them but I also know that it’s not easy.
I know that it won’t last forever so I suppose I’m lucky in that sense. I have a lot of plans in place that will make me happy and motivated and just generally excited but they’re not happening yet. They’ll happen in a few months. I’m not worried about the future, in fact I wish the future would hurry up and come faster, I’m just worried about the present.
One thought that brings me down is how I’m expected to do so much right know because of certain things that are happening in my life and people around me expect me to have my life together and my finances together as though I’m a 25 year old working woman. I’m an 18 year old girl who hasn’t even started university yet. I’m not at the level people automatically expect me to be and I end up putting the same pressure as I receive on myself. It’s something I realise that I’m doing but I can’t run away from or ignore as it’s brought up every day.
Every day we fight a battle that feels worse than anything we’ve ever experienced. We know we aren’t alone as many people around us go through things too but in some sense we are alone. We are alone in our own mind. We are the ones going through the situation. No one will truly understand exactly how we are feeling. These battles trap us and contain us until we break out of them. People can help us through it, but only we have the power to eliminate them.
I don’t have tips to tell you how to get out of these dark places. I don’t have a list of encouraging quotes. I can’t tell you that I’ve perfected the way to overcome these.
I can however tell you all something I’m looking at, something I feel could help me. I can tell you that I go through things just like everyone else. I can tell you that I’m here to help people through it whilst I help myself. I can tell you that I’m trying, I’m holding onto hope.
My idea of a solution:
Trust me in my 18 years of living I never thought meditation could do it for me. I’m a very impatient person, I love to relax but often I can’t sit still. So meditating never came across my mind until recently. I realised that I’m always looking to channel the younger version of me. The one with the dreams, hopes, visions and goals. The passionate me. I would ask how I could channel it. When you think about channeling something the first thought that comes to your mind, or my mind at least, is meditating. Channeling something through meditation.
I’m going to try it out. I’ll let you all know how it goes. Hopefully the next post will tell you all about how I made a change for the better.