Missed Opportunities and Frustrations – learning to say NO.

Don’t live life with regrets. You hear it all the time don’t you? Never say no to an opportunity or an experience. Don’t give yourself the chance to look back on life wishing you had done things differently.
I looked at life this way for a long time and at the same time I looked at it a different way.
You don’t always have to do everything. You don’t need to be a part of every single thing because all you do is get disappointed when it doesn’t go your way. You stress yourself out trying to force experiences upon yourself that you’re not ready for.
The funny thing is we all think with these two different mindsets. We all believe that we shouldn’t regret things in life yet we know we can’t do everything even if we want to because we aren’t ready or things get in the way.
Here’s the thing. I have to tell myself every single day that I don’t have to do everything that everyone else is doing. My dad told me this for years, constantly telling me this same thing over and over again. I would get so annoyed thinking well why not? I want to. It’ll be fun. They’re all doing it. I didn’t understand what he was talking about. Why wouldn’t he want me to do it too? That’s when I took a step back to think about his words and really grasp them. To think about the effect of saying yes all the time had on myself internally as well as externally.
Yes. I always say yes to everyone. I say yes even if I don’t have the means to do as they ask. It’s because I’ve always felt like a disappointment one way or another and I didn’t want to feel like one. I don’t want to feel like one and by saying no to someone I thought I’d disappoint them. I didn’t realise how much this effected me mentally until recently. I would tire myself out trying to do everything for everyone, I would convince myself I was fine to do it even though I knew I wasn’t. I would stress myself out when it didn’t go the way I’d envisioned it. I felt worse after doing it than before. I created a culture in my mind and soul that means that now whenever the people I know are doing something I am not involved in it really gets me down.

I need to realise how EASILY I get affected by things. How much it affects my mood, feelings and thoughts.
Sometimes it’s ok to say no. Sometimes you do need to put yourself first. I guess that hardest time to say no is when an experience arises that you really want to do! Unfortunately something comes up, because it’s life and things happen. I don’t like saying no but I realise I have to. It hurts me to miss out on things small or big but I need to remember how I am the only one affected by it. It isn’t hurting anyone but myself so why am I giving it so much power? I need to appreciate what I am doing, even if it isn’t what I want to do. I need to look at what I am witnessing, learning, experiencing, I need to open my eyes and see all this around me rather than being blinded by my own individual hurt.

You can’t always be there.

Something I heard recently really made things a lot clearer for me.

Gods Delays are not Gods Denials.
See the beauty and simplicity of this phrase? Time. We have to give things time. When we are ready for them to happen then they will. Just because it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean it never will. In a few days, weeks and months from now I won’t even remember how I am feeling. I won’t be affected by it. Yes it hurts not and unfortunately I haven’t learnt how to gain control over my emotions so it doesn’t hurt anymore but I know it’ll get better, I know in time I’ll feel fine. I know that there is so much more to come and look forward to. There are many other experiences to come.

The future is always bright even if the present is dull.

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Just your average 18 year old girl trying to make a mark in this world!

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